Since the coronavirus pandemic broke out, it has painted an image of the future that is murky and indiscernible—a canvas displaying a dizzying whirl of the darkest shades of color imaginable.
On a personal level, the pandemic disrupted different valued areas in my life since its outbreak in the Philippines last March. It put a halt to the second semester of my second year in graduate school, as well as our research work in a rural community. As a person who has always found comfort in exercising control in my life, I couldn't help but feel suddenly helpless when I was faced with the reality of rapidly changing circumstances due to the pandemic. I was a child who, after spending hours under the blazing heat of the sun to build a sandcastle she can be proud of, could do nothing but gape in utter shock when the merciless and uncaring sea suddenly came and swallowed it whole. Furthermore, our family faced one trial after another, and though I am the youngest, I have always taken it upon myself to provide emotional support to everyone, which sometimes left me physically, emotionally, and mentally drained.
Indeed, the world outside my skin rocked the universe within. With the constant assault of negative thoughts came overwhelming emotions of anger and anxiety, which vacillated with profound emptiness and exhaustion. I always felt that I was on the verge of being shattered into a million pieces. Thus, it was so easy to fall back on self-sabotaging habits well-ingrained in my personal history.
However, it was also in the midst of the pandemic that I had time to study ACT. It is not offered as a course in our graduate program, and I have yet to be aware of ACT trainers based in the Philippines. But because the core principles of ACT had always intrigued and resonated with me after encountering it in our psychotherapy class, I decided to devote time to learn it on my own.
And cliché as it sounds, my life was never the same. For, indeed, it is when we choose to do something different from what we've grown accustomed to that change happens.
In my case, I learned to accept the inevitable reality that there are things beyond my control, including the profound pain brought about by the pandemic. I learned I can choose not to run away from the pain or fervently wish for it to go away. Instead, I can choose to sit with the pain and hold myself kindly as I learn what it means to experience it in the present moment. And in my choosing, I learn that there are things within my control after all.
One important area that confers me considerable control is art. More importantly, it brings me into contact with a number of values. Creating art never fails to empower me to express my individuality creatively. It thrills me to fill an empty space with my strokes and my colors; and they all come together to announce my presence—my existence. I am here, and I have made my mark on this once nothingness. The process of making art allows me to constantly push my limits and demonstrates my refusal to give up in the face of challenges while exercising discipline, dedication, and patience.
Moreover, my grappling with suffering during the pandemic has transformed the way I use art. Now, it has also become a vehicle through which I can convey my passion for psychology and showcase the importance of mental health and well-being through visual and aesthetic means. And because ACT and art have become my salvation during these difficult times, I decided to combine them into an artwork called Healing in the Time of the Pa(i)ndemic (see attached).
Like a thief, the pandemic stole so much of what we treasure and left one thing for us to hold on to—pain. While we wish to be strong in these trying times, it is a kindness to allow ourselves to mourn for what we’ve lost—be it our loved ones, our jobs, our plans for the future, the dreams we had yet to build, and the way we used to be. As a student of clinical psychology, an advocate for mental health, and a person who has had to continuously face her own psychological battles in the midst of the pandemic, I have learned how important it is to acknowledge and accept the pain we experience. To accept that we are suffering is not to succumb to it. Rather, we embrace our pain so we may heal from it.
Yes, healing begins when we accept that we are in pain.
And though the image of the future remains a confusing abstract painting in my eyes, ACT and art have given me the gift of healing in the present.