Am a life coach and new to ACT. (new to life coaching too actually) so I hope others can improve on this metaphor I used with a client and it blew her mind. This is aimed at defusion of nasty thoughts about self. Creating some distance by putting the nasty thought in the mouth of a character you know the clients will hold with some aversion.
So the thought that was expressed by the client was "that's the last thing I am is a genius". I asked her, so if I just thought of something that might sound a little strange at first but might give you an interesting perspective would you want me to share it with you? "Sure" (somewhat guardedly).
So lets pretend you are in a bar. Is there a bar you go to frequently? O.K., picture that one. And you are waiting for a friend. She texts you and tells you that she is stuck in traffic but still coming. While you are waiting, a guy starts to notice you. You ignore but are aware that you are being noticed. After a while he comes up to you and says "Hello my name is Clod". You say nothing and just look at him. Clod says, "I have been noticing you and just wanted to say, the last thing in the world you are is a genius."
What would you do? "Tell him to get lost". Right. That makes sense. What a 'Clod'. But just for fun, what options would you have in that situation? "Well I'm certainly not going to talk to him." Agreed, that makes total sense. But let's just list out the options....Discussion leads to, 1) You could talk to him. 2) You could ask the manager to kick him out of the bar. 3) Ignore him and hope he goes away. 4) Throw a drink on him. I then raised, well tell me if I'm wrong but it sounds to me like you didn't do any of those things. It sounds like you went and sat down with him asked him if you could wear his school ring around your neck. "Huh?" Yes I mean here we were talking about something I thought was ingenius and you told me the last thing you were was a genius, sounds like you are buying into Clod pretty intensely.
In my session it did not result in a committed action step but it could be pursued, e.g. How do you want to respond to Clod next time he comes at you with that line.
BTW, would use the exact same scenario for a heterosexual male also. If he is fused with the idea that he is NOT a Clod, but also fused with the idea that he is NOT a genius, then it might work just as well, have not had the chance to try. I would just say 'What is the likelihood you would use a line like that on someone? "Zero", right so what part of the bar room is a good analogy to your use of the term on yourself? "It wasn't a pickup line!" True enough, so what was it? and where did it come from? And what other stuff comes from that place? For gay clients, minor tweaks.
Am interested from those more experienced where this approach might have potential downsides or how it could be improved.
Cliff Jekel
P.S. Hat tip to Russ Harris who in ACT in Context podcast episode mentioned the idea of treating these thoughts as if they came from annoying teenagers. That's where I got the idea.