The Cost of Unwillingness
CLEAN DISCOMFORT: discomfort that comes and goes as a result of just living your life (= primary discomfort?) ------------- cannot be controlled
DIRTY DISCOMFORT: emotional discomfort & disturbing thoughts created by efforts to control feelings = discomfort over discomfort (= secondary discomfort?) ------------- disappears when willingness is high and control is low
---------------> clean discomfort stays when dirty discomfort disappears
Box full of stuff metaphor: p. 136. Shows the additive nature of history; nothing is subtracted! You can only add to life. You can fill it up with things you want to avoid until you can't move anymore.
Various reactions are put into the box = deliteralizing: treated as objects, dispassionate observation of reactions.
WATCH OUT!
Client's worldview can be put upside down!
Clients can insist on using old strategies. This has to be supported.
DON'T START LECTURING
DON'T START INTELLECTUALIZING (& do all the talking; it's no question of trying to convince)
DON'T START EXPLAINING & DISCUSSING CONTROL STRATEGIES (this keeps you within the existing language paradigm)
DON'T FEEL PRESSURED TO MOVE INTO SUBSEQUENT STAGES with multiproblem clients (they need more time)
DO ENCOURAGE CLIENTS TO NOTICE THE COMING AND GOING OF DISTRESS (when they cling to control strategies)
DO STAY ON THE EXPERIENTIAL TRACK
DO STAY WITH THE CLIENT's EXPERIENCE OF THE WORKABILITY OF CONTROL STRATEGIES
Clients may be ready for the next stage when:
- willingness is appearing spontaneously in situations that used to elicit control
- clients report spontaneous examples of feeling feelings differently