The self-esteem movement has taught us that in order to be of any worth, we have to convince ourselves that we are more important than we really are. Unfortunately, some people think that they have to be more important than other people. Self-esteem can be a slippery slope. Narcissists have great self-esteem. So do bullies.
The word special has two different meanings, so it’s not surprising that we get this confused. In one sense, to be special means to be unique, idiosyncratic, differentiated. And I would agree that we are all special in this regard, just like beautiful snowflakes. But the other definition has to do with being exceptional, outstanding, remarkable, better than all the rest, and in this sense, it would be a lie to convince yourself that this is the case. Sure there are brilliant, highly skilled, and powerful people in the world. But you are not in competition with them. Some people will never understand that and will strive their whole lives trying to meet someone else’s expectations.
They look at the guy down the street with the green lawn, the new car and the beautiful wife, and think, “I want to be like that guy.” So they send their wife to the salon, wash their old car and spray paint their brown lawn green. Then they step back and observe their attempt to approximate greatness, and it becomes obvious that it’s not quite right. Meanwhile, the guy down the street continues to move up the ladder as others struggle to catch up. And even if they do, there will always be someone better.
There are very few people at the top, whether they be financial moguls, celebrities, top athletes, and then there are the throngs of others striving to be just like them, mimicking their fashion, their manner of speaking, devouring their latest get-rich, get-skinny, be-just-like-me books they can get their hands on. We are a society of followers and are therefore under-utilizing our natural resources. That’s ironic for a culture that supposedly values independence. Independence seems to have different meanings as well. We tout independence in terms of the freedom to pursue some pre-established ideal, so that everyone is in the same pursuit. But true independence drops those standards altogether and forges it’s own path. And that path can only be pursued alone, guided by the stillness of truth.
The only thing anyone can be truly exceptional at is being themselves. And you cannot compare yourself to anyone else if you are ever going to be the best you. What would being the best you look like? Many people have no idea because they’ve spend so much time looking outside of themselves for approval and validation. This is where self-esteem falls flat on it’s face. Because being special is so misunderstood, much of the attempts people make in raising self-esteem has to do with adjusting standards, engineering successes, and manipulating achievement. The problem is that the focus is not on the individual, but on these external measurements of greatness. We need to let go of these standards and turn our focus inward if we are ever going to see what potential lies within. In this culture we really value hard work and struggle, but when we tap into our own potential, the success comes quite naturally. Of course it’s a struggle to be something you’re not. But being who you are is effortless. When one achieves personal success, the victory is so sweet it doesn’t matter how they rank among others.