Life's a beach - struggling in the rip

I've mainly used the "caught in a rip" metaphor as a graphic way of capturing the essence of giving up the struggle. As I've written it down I think it actually has value for many aspects of ACT. So please feel free to email me with ideas for extensions or ammnedments.

Life’s a beach

Sometimes life is like swimming at the beach. We launch headlong into life expecting to have a fun, relaxing and refreshing time. People ply us with good advice. Don’t forget the sunscreen. Swim between the flags. Stay out of the water for 30 minutes after eating. Watch out for sharks. So we jump in, splash around and have a good time. Depending on our personality and experience we may be carefree, or we might be anxiously watching for sharks, or continually monitoring the flags to make sure we’re in the right place. Or maybe we are the sort of person who loves to flout the rules and swims anywhere.

Suddenly our pleasure is interrupted by an unpleasant sensation. We are knocked off our feet, we can no longer touch the sandy bottom and we notice we are headed out to sea. We panic and immediately set the goal, “I must get back to shore” so we take action to achieve that goal. We do it without thinking. It’s instinctive. We start paddling furiously against the rip. Sometimes we seem to be making a little progress, but we start to tire and notice we are losing the battle. We swim harder, we roll over on our back and kick with our legs, but we are getting nowhere and getting exhausted. We forget why we came to the beach in the first place. We begin to tell ourselves, “If only we had stayed between the flags” or “I wish I’d done some more swimming training before I risked it all by coming to the beach”, but none of this wondering how you got here is any help. You are still paddling furiously and getting nowhere. Maybe you call for help, and here I am – a lifesaver come to the rescue. So notice – here I am with a board to rescue you, and I suggest you grab hold of the board. Before you can grab hold of the board you need to stop paddling furiously. Even though every fibre in your body screams in protest, you must stop paddling and try something different – grab the board.

Now I am a very contrary lifesaver, for my job is not to rescue you, but to teach you to rescue yourself. For the thing about life is you can get sucked into a rip at any time. That rip may be depression, or grief, or anxiety or urges to eat, gamble, spend or use drugs.

So I want you to learn how to get out of trouble when you get stuck in a rip. So I invite you to swim slowly across the rip. I’ll even swim alongside you. As you do this you will feel the tug of the rip. You will get carried out to sea further than you’d like to be and your mind will flash all sorts of scary scenarios before your eyes. That is what minds do. Mine does it too. I’m not asking you not to be scared, or anxious, or depressed. I’m asking you to swim across the rip while experiencing those thoughts and sensations and eventually you will come to calm water and be able to get on with enjoying your day at the beach. So what I’m inviting you to do is to give up paddling furiously and accept the uncomfortable sensations and scary thoughts of being carried out to sea. I’m inviting you to reconnect with what really matters – having fun at the beach for whatever reasons that is enjoyable for you. I’m inviting you to take effective action and what that is depends on the situation. If you’re safe it means enjoying the sun and the surf for your own reasons. If you’re stuck in a rip of (insert presenting problem) it means stopping the struggle and taking small strokes in the direction of where you want to be, whatever experiences come up.

Additional Extensions

(For OCD/Anxiety)

Notice that in this scenario there are precautions you can take to improve your safety. You can learn skills like how to do survival stroke, or simply train to be a better swimmer. You can put on sunblock to stop getting burnt. You can stay out of the surf on really rough days. You can avoid beaches where there are stingers. You can swim between the flags. These can serve to improve your enjoyment of being at the beach. But what happens to your fun if you become obsessed with safety. Instead of floating around or catching waves, you keep your eyes glued on the flags? Or as soon as your toes hit the water you run back to your bag to put on some more sunblock? Or if you give up on going to the beach because it’s too dangerous? (Let client answer – and discuss reasonable safety and how to practice it as well as willingness to have worry thoughts while pursuing valued activity)

Notice also that despite your best efforts, you can still get stuck in a rip. Winds, current and tide may change and the area that was once safe turns into a rip, or maybe a huge wave comes and knocks you off your feet. It doesn’t matter whose fault it was or how it happened, once you’re in a rip you have an important choice to make. Keep struggling and eventually succumb to exhaustion and drown, or stop struggling and start taking effective action by swimming across the rip towards your values.

(Values)

Notice that there are lots of people at the beach on a hot day. Now I imagine they’re not all there for the same reason. What are some of the reasons for going to the beach? (Let client answer and prompt for as wide a range of options.) Use this as a jumping off point for discussing goals and values including pursuing the same goal for different reasons, and also being able to pursue values even if a specific goal is blocked. For example if you go to the beach (goal) to cool down (value) – if the road to the beach is closed, there are other ways to cool down – e.g. – sit in an air conditioned room, have a cold shower, have an iced coffee etc.

(Advice/Pliance/Programming)

Do you remember all the good advice people have given you about how to be safe when going to the beach? Notice that some of it is good advice (don’t get out of your depth if you can’t swim), some is mostly right but sometimes wrong (it’s safe to swim between the flags) and some is just urban myth (rubbing butter on your skin protects you from sunburn). I’ll bet you didn’t ask for any of that advice, it just randomly came your way. People with good (and maybe bad) intentions filled your head with a mixture of good, bad and indifferent advice. So how do you tell whether that bit of advice that pops into your head when you make plans to go to the beach is worth following? (explore workability)